This is Defbird's cat page! I love cats. I find them fascinating. They seem so self contained and self absorbed. But, they also need human companionship. Cats express this need and the love for their humans in a unique feline way.
Table of Contents
|Cat Diaries!||Cat Haikus!||Cat Ages!||Cats Fun!||Dear Tabby!||Cat's Creation||Lucky Cat!||Mystery Cat!|
I am always interested in any "cat stuff" you might run across "out there"! Send it along and it might get listed in Defbird's Catalog. Now, there's glory for you!
CAT DIARIES! I got just this one page. It makes me wonder what might be in the rest of the diary. Do I really want to know? Read on for a hair raising experience!
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.This cute little bouquet of cat poems was sent to me by my friend Nancy Hoffmann who lives in Australia. You have to be a cat lover to understand! Be patient and the kitty will surprise you. Enjoy!
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry
cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of
escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top
of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep
depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike
fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan....
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it
included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds
could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb
still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More
importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has
got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue.
(something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am
certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the
metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter
|You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
You must scratch me there!
I need a new toy.
The rule for today:
In deep sleep hear sound;
Blur of motion. then-
The mighty hunter
You're always typing.
My small cardboard box.
We're almost equals.
Fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a "term paper?"
Kitty like plastic.
Small brave carnivores
Want to trim my claws?
I want to be close
Wanna go outside.
Oh no! The Big One
Humans are so strange.
Cats meow out of angst
Litter box not here.
The Big Ones snore now.
How Cats Age!
If cats can learn to stay out of the street, they often live well up into their teens and a few even make it into their early twenties. Take a look at the chart and see how "old" your kitty is. It may surprise you!
|Cat Years||Human Years|
|8 months||13 years|
|1 year||15 years|
|2 years||24 years|
|4 years||32 years|
|6 years||40 years|
|8 years||48 years|
|10 years||56 years|
|12 years||64 years|
|14 years||72 years|
|16 years||80 years|
|18 years||88 years|
|20 years||96 years|
|21 years||100 years|
It was once thought that 1 year in the life of a cat was equivalent to 7 years of a human life. Recently, a new scale has been accepted: after the first 2 years, the cat's life proceeds more slowly in relation to human life and each feline year is approximately 4 human years. The general consensus is that at about age 7 a cat can be considered "middle-aged," and age 10 and beyond "old."
Cats are More Fun!
It is a lot more fun to live with
cats than with most people. Read on to see why.
These are only a few of the many reasons why I have six cats!
|Cats don't care whether you're a conservative or a liberal.
Cats do not care whether you shave your legs.
Cats don't need to wear the latest designer fashions.
Cats won't drink beer and pass out on the bathroom floor.
Cats don't correct your stories.
Cats won't complain if you don't make the bed or do the dusting.
Cats don't criticize your friends.
Cats don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You don't have to wonder if the cat is lying to you.
Cats don't care if you're a few pounds overweight.
You don't have to worry that your cat will do drugs or join a gang.
( Catty Advice Free of Charge)
Make the world your playground.
miss the litter box, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps.
If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do.
When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up.
Always find a good patch of sun to nap in. Nap often.
When in trouble, just purr and look cute.
Life is hard, and then you nap.
Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.
When in doubt, cop an attitude.
Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them.
Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there.
Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner.
Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
have three primary functions: to feed us, to play with
and give attention to us, and to clean the litter box. It is important to maintain one's Dignity when around humans so that they will not forget who is the master of the house. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.
You will then have a smooth-running household.
Creation Story (Cat's POV)
On the first day of creation, God created the cat.
On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to
serve as potential food for the cat.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could
labor for the good of the cat.
On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat
might or might not play with it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat
healthy and the man broke.
On the seventhth day, God tried to rest, but
he had to scoop the litter box!
Maneki Neko Beckons with her right paw and brings MONEY!
Visit the web site and read her story and get your own lucky cat!
Cats are often featured in Mysteries. And, why not! Cats are known to
be mysterious creatures. Two of my favorite cat detectives are:
Midnight Louie featured in books by Carolyn N. Douglas
Koko, "The Cat Who..." featured in books by
Lillian Jackson Braun
If you love both cats and mysteries, you can't go wrong with these choices!
I hope you have enjoyed browsing in DefBird's Cat-alog!
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